I have been married for a very long time, given my age now. About 13 years, i already cannot remember how is life without the burden of marriage and children!. Of course now I envy! No relationship to think, to worry, to be sad, to be angry, do what i want to do, spend whatever i want to spend, go wherever i want to go!
I m not a person who like to be tied down by something, whatever thing it can be, i will feel very resisted. What's more I m not very happy in the recent months, the feeling is strong, and i can only confide with my friends, close ones.
Sometimes, i really want to break thru, i m like suffocating within! And no one can help, only myself, because this is the choice i chosen 13 years back, if i want to break thru, i need to choose again. Of course, 13 years ago, the choice is very easy, but not now, the choice is very difficult and tough!
Why must i be ended up doing this type of choices!? Why my life cannot be easier? Why the so call "god" cannot give me a better life, not so tough, not so emotional one! My life is dam tough to walk thru'! Tough and hard! Of course, i know there are much more poeple life out there is worst! I just need to let off! May be i will suffocated to death within! So just me suffer!
I need to tell myself " MY Life is way too short to dwell on things that no longer matters. Must let go & move on! ", let go things that i want (btw, the things i wanted, are priceless, and very easy, no need money de, just use mouth to say out only and may be with some little gestures) but i will not get here, move on to search for other goals for my life.
Must always tell myself, there are better things in my life to go for, dont stop here!
These few months, my life is like riding a rollercoaster, and i m like being throw off the ride, losing my balance in life. First time ever! Now trying very hard get up and continue riding or stopping the ride or to quit the ride! haiz!!!!!! Very very sad....
I really miss my grandfather, he passed away 12 years ago! He is the only one in this earth can console me, can help me up! Not even my dad can do it though he is gone too! My grandfather has never come to my dream, never, may be i should give him a passport to come back here, so he come to my dream and see me and talk to me!
